YOOOO WHAT IS UP!! It’s been a minute. This summer has just been nuts and trust me, there have been so many times where I have thought about writing but just haven’t. Sometimes I would even get my laptop out and start typing, but I don’t know, it just wasn’t flowing so I kept on waiting and waiting and then UREKA! Tonight was the night. So here I am…and here you are. If you are taking time from your day to read this, I just want to say THANK YOU! Blogs are kind of weird in that it literally is just a person writing about their thoughts and experiences, but I guess that is what also makes them cool. So I just want to say thank you for taking time to read about my thoughts as sporadic as they may be.
So when I thought about writing and why I haven’t been, I kind of just thought about this summer. Like most kids my age, work has been life. I’m very lucky in that I love my job and where I work. There’s free coffee, the people are awesome, and there’s a lot of free coffee…so I really can’t ask for much more. That, coupled with a lot of new experiences, has just created a really stressful past few months lol…wait no, I’m wrong…work coupled with new experiences that I of course OVERTHINK to maximum capacity has created a really stressful past few months. I like to think of myself as a pretty easygoing person and to be honest I don’t really know why because I’m actually a nutzo. I mean, when it comes to certain things I’m pretty laid back like food for example. I will pretty much eat anything….and I’m not kidding…except for meatloaf…I don’t know what it is about meat in loaf form that really just rubs me the wrong way…but even though I’m impartial to meatloaf I still will eat it…my reaction won’t entail the same delight as it would if someone put a turkey panini in front of my face…but I still wouldn’t be completely perturbed. So as you can see, in some ways I am easy going, but to be honest 95% of the time I usually am stressing about something because I overthink just about everything.
When I left school this summer, I was kind of bummed. For as much of a homebody as I am, I was just in such a good place at school that I didn’t want to leave. Those feelings were something pretty new to me, as I never felt that kind of pull between school and home. In many ways, I am grateful for that because it means that I have two places where I feel comfortable and happy however it also made things tough. I guess those feelings were just new to me though….and ba da ba ba bahhh…I was NOT lovin it (haha see what I did there?). In that moment, I just wanted to be happy to be home, I always had been and I hated that I wasn’t 100% as happy as I had always been to be in my homeland. I mean I definitely was excited to be back with my parents because they are my people, in addition to my sister, dog and hometown homies…it just felt different. Of course, I should expect that because I’m getting old and things change, but I’m not good with change so that right there created a problem.
So often this summer, I found myself overthinking. The thing with overthinking is that all the time you spend wondering, going over things, and analyzing…they are all done to get one simple thing…an answer. Sometimes it feels like if we have that answer, then we can stop worrying…but it never quite works out like that. If we had an answer for everything in life it wouldn’t really be much of a life would it? The unknown is what challenges us, and what makes us say things like “I HATE MY LIFE” and “WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?” No, we shouldn’t say those things but sometimes in the moment we just do because we’re frustrated and upset. It doesn’t mean we’re ungrateful, it just means that we’re human. The complexity of not knowing can drive us mad, and we can spend so much of our time searching and pining for answers…but where does that get us? Speaking from experience, it just gets us a big ole bucket of exhaustion and pissed-off-ness. We can’t force people to give us the answers we want, and we can’t always have what we want which sucks….but that’s life, and that’s something that has been reiterated to me again and again this summer. I realized that I wasn’t allowing myself to be happy because I wasn’t in the moment. I was thinking about the past and then taking all those thoughts and experiences and letting them drive my thoughts about the future when what the heck? There was a present I should have been in!!!
There’s a lot of things in life that are out of our control. Granted, there’s a lot of things in our life that we can control…but sometimes focusing on those things is just too easy, so we put our time and effort into controlling what’s a loose cannon, what’s unpredictable…searching for answers. But we’re not Dora the Explorer…the mountain isn’t always right behind us. So instead of spending time overthinking, we have to work on letting what’s out of our control go, and focus on what we can control
Like my close friend and I say when everything seems like it’s going to shit (excuse my french), everything happens for a reason. Things don’t always work out how we hope, and we don’t always get what we want. As much as we don’t always realize it, there tends to be hidden beauty within the unknown.
Thinking about it now, maybe I haven’t written in awhile because I wasn’t ready. I was too busy overthinking and searching for answers to really even be able to come to this conclusion and simply just chill out. So maybe for me this post is kind of a symbol that hey, ya done good. You’re finally starting to relax and just go with the flow…live in the present. And maybe for you this is just a reminder to do the same, or maybe it’s just a bunch of horse poop haha, I don’t really know, but for once in my life I’m not gonna worry about it…
Until next time…. 🙂
Pb & Gel 